{"id":52177,"date":"2021-01-06T13:56:29","date_gmt":"2021-01-06T22:56:29","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/writersatlarge.com\/riff\/?p=52177"},"modified":"2021-01-23T20:53:56","modified_gmt":"2021-01-24T05:53:56","slug":"white-fragility-bookconverse","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/writersatlarge.com\/riff\/white-fragility-bookconverse\/","title":{"rendered":"My Thoughts on the Book White Fragility<\/i>"},"content":{"rendered":"

[et_pb_section fb_built=”1″ admin_label=”section” _builder_version=”3.22″][et_pb_row admin_label=”row” _builder_version=”3.25″ background_size=”initial” background_position=”top_left” background_repeat=”repeat”][et_pb_column type=”4_4″ _builder_version=”3.25″ custom_padding=”|||” custom_padding__hover=”|||”][et_pb_text admin_label=”Text” _builder_version=”4.7.7″ background_size=”initial” background_position=”top_left” background_repeat=”repeat” custom_margin=”-19px||17px||false|false” custom_padding=”0px||||false|false” hover_enabled=”0″ sticky_enabled=”0″]<\/p>\n

Who remembers the first time they understood some people were a different race than you?<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0I was in 4th grade. I liked a boy named Danny, and he liked me. He was my boyfriend until our parents found out and threw a hissy fit because he is white, and I am black.<\/p>\n

[\/et_pb_text][\/et_pb_column][\/et_pb_row][et_pb_row column_structure=”1_2,1_2″ admin_label=”row” _builder_version=”4.7.7″ background_size=”initial” background_position=”top_left” background_repeat=”repeat” custom_padding=”7px||0px||false|false”][et_pb_column type=”1_2″ _builder_version=”3.25″ custom_padding=”|||” custom_padding__hover=”|||”][et_pb_image src=”https:\/\/writersatlarge.com\/riff\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/11\/GUEST_990dac31-282d-4e9e-8607-2644e23002be.jpeg” title_text=”GUEST_990dac31-282d-4e9e-8607-2644e23002be” show_bottom_space=”off” _builder_version=”4.7.7″ _module_preset=”default” custom_margin=”44px||||false|false” custom_padding=”0%||2px||false|false” hover_enabled=”0″ module_alignment=”right” sticky_enabled=”0″][\/et_pb_image][\/et_pb_column][et_pb_column type=”1_2″ _builder_version=”3.25″ custom_padding=”|||” custom_padding__hover=”|||”][et_pb_text admin_label=”Text” _builder_version=”4.7.7″ text_text_color=”#ffffff” background_color=”rgba(4,28,56,0.49)” use_background_color_gradient=”on” background_color_gradient_start=”rgba(0,88,142,0.65)” background_color_gradient_end=”#000000″ background_size=”initial” background_position=”top_left” background_repeat=”repeat” custom_margin=”0%|0%|2%|-25%|false|false” custom_padding=”5%|5%|5%|5%|false|false” hover_enabled=”0″ sticky_enabled=”0″]<\/p>\n

The current racial reckoning in our country has caused a boom in books written to address America\u2019s racial inequality. White Fragility<\/em>, by Robin DiAngelo, is based on the author\u2019s experience as a diversity consultant. It reached Number One on The New York Times<\/em> non-fiction best seller list in June 2020, and learned about it in a Zoom book discussion that I wanted to join. This topic interested me especially, since I had participated in developing and delivering diversity training at my job for over ten years.<\/p>\n

My take on the book\u2019s premise is racism exists in America because white people respond defensively when told that they benefit from racism or that they are behaving in a racially problematic way. With this kind of resistance, their behavior can\u2019t be changed or corrected. The author dubs this \u201cWhite Fragility\u201d and argues racism should be addressed by proactively challenging white people.<\/p>\n

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I was pleased to see all races represented on the Zoom call. My friend had prepared a variety of discussion questions for us to consider.<\/p>\n

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Question 1 — For white people: Share when you let a racial stereotype scare you that turned out to be wrong.<\/h4>\n

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One woman described her fear when an unrecognized African-American teenage male wearing a hoodie knocked on her door. Turned out it was her neighbor\u2019s son, home from college, needing to use a phone because he was locked out of the house.<\/span><\/p>\n

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Question 2 — For people of color: Share a professional instance where a white person was surprised to find out you are black.<\/h4>\n

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Here\u2019s my story.<\/em> As an attorney for a bank regulatory agency, I often counseled bank presidents and high-level bank examiners over the phone. The unofficial rule among my co-workers of color was to stall meeting certain individuals in person as long as possible. We felt sure their perception of our advice would change if they knew we were black.<\/span><\/p>\n

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In contrast, white people aren\u2019t socialized to see themselves in racial terms. The author argues white Americans don\u2019t have to worry about how others feel about their race, nor do they worry much that their race will be held against them.<\/em><\/span><\/p>\n

[\/et_pb_text][et_pb_text admin_label=”Text” _builder_version=”4.7.7″ background_size=”initial” background_position=”top_left” background_repeat=”repeat” custom_margin=”1%|0%|-2%|0%|false|false” hover_enabled=”0″ sticky_enabled=”0″]<\/p>\n

In my early teens, my parents sanctioned play dates with white girls, but I still couldn\u2019t date white boys. This distinction was confirmed at church, which confused me even more. Doesn\u2019t the Bible say we\u2019re all equal? But we\u2019re really not?<\/p>\n

[\/et_pb_text][\/et_pb_column][\/et_pb_row][et_pb_row column_structure=”1_2,1_2″ admin_label=”row” _builder_version=”3.25″ background_size=”initial” background_position=”top_left” background_repeat=”repeat”][et_pb_column type=”1_2″ _builder_version=”3.25″ custom_padding=”|||” custom_padding__hover=”|||”][et_pb_text admin_label=”Text” _builder_version=”4.7.7″ text_text_color=”#000000″ text_line_height=”1.4em” background_color=”rgba(0,0,0,0)” background_size=”initial” background_position=”top_left” background_repeat=”repeat” custom_margin=”10%||2%||false|false” custom_padding=”5%|7%|7%|5%|false|false” hover_enabled=”0″ sticky_enabled=”0″]<\/p>\n

In 10th grade, I transferred to a private, college prep high school where the white parents wanted their children to know people of color and made an effort to get diversity into the institution. My parents also became more racially tolerant. I made many cross-racial friends, some of whom I am still in touch with today.\u00a0<\/p>\n

But even white people who have a close black friend or significant other can\u2019t have a \u201cget out of jail free\u201d card. Ms. DiAngelo says close cross-cultural relationships don\u2019t block out the dynamics of racism in the society at large. The white person still receives white privilege even when the two people engage in activities together.<\/p>\n

She suggests if a relationship between a white person and a person of color has a measure of trust, they should be able to talk about racism. I am fortunate to have friends who willingly solicit my views on this issue.<\/p>\n

[\/et_pb_text][\/et_pb_column][et_pb_column type=”1_2″ _builder_version=”3.25″ custom_padding=”|||” custom_padding__hover=”|||”][et_pb_image src=”https:\/\/writersatlarge.com\/riff\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/01\/Open-Discussion-Photo-Jeanneresized.jpg” title_text=”Open Discussion Photo-Jeanneresized” _builder_version=”4.7.7″ _module_preset=”default” custom_margin=”-17px|||-15px|false|false” hover_enabled=”0″ sticky_enabled=”0″][\/et_pb_image][\/et_pb_column][\/et_pb_row][et_pb_row admin_label=”row” _builder_version=”3.25″ background_size=”initial” background_position=”top_left” background_repeat=”repeat”][et_pb_column type=”4_4″ _builder_version=”3.25″ custom_padding=”|||” custom_padding__hover=”|||”][et_pb_text _builder_version=”4.7.7″ _module_preset=”default” custom_margin=”||||false|false” hover_enabled=”0″ sticky_enabled=”0″]<\/p>\n

In her interview with Esquire.com<\/em><\/a> on June 6, 2020, Ms. DiAngelo offered recommendations on what white people could do to battle their racism without involving people of color:<\/p>\n

\u201cTake Eddie Moore\u2019s 21-Day Racial Equity Habit Building Challenge. https:\/\/www.eddiemoorejr.com\/21daychallenge.\u00a0<\/a> It\u2019s active, it\u2019s daily, it was co-designed by a black man. It will set you on the path.\u00a0 \u00a0<\/p>\n

Then do Layla F. Saad\u2019s Me and White Supremacy https:\/\/www.meandwhitesupremacybook.com<\/a>. It\u2019s a book that you do, not that you read.\u201d<\/p>\n

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[\/et_pb_text][\/et_pb_column][\/et_pb_row][et_pb_row column_structure=”1_2,1_2″ admin_label=”row” _builder_version=”3.25″ background_size=”initial” background_position=”top_left” background_repeat=”repeat”][et_pb_column type=”1_2″ _builder_version=”3.25″ custom_padding=”|||” custom_padding__hover=”|||”][et_pb_text admin_label=”Text” _builder_version=”4.7.7″ text_text_color=”#000000″ text_line_height=”1.4em” background_color=”rgba(0,106,193,0.52)” use_background_color_gradient=”on” background_color_gradient_start=”#68a4d8″ background_color_gradient_end=”#000a08″ background_size=”initial” background_position=”top_left” background_repeat=”repeat” custom_margin=”9%||2%||false|false” custom_padding=”8%|11%|9%|9%|false|false” hover_enabled=”0″ sticky_enabled=”0″]<\/p>\n

A growing number of Americans, of all colors, are fed up and eager to prove that they are not racist. However, I agree with advocates who point out there is a difference between simply being not<\/em> racist and being anti-<\/em>racist. <\/span><\/p>\n

Action is the key.<\/strong> <\/span><\/p>\n

On the book-discussion call that evening, I took a step toward becoming an anti-racist. I opened up with a group of men and women willing to talk about uncomfortable situations and learn from them.<\/span><\/p>\n

[\/et_pb_text][\/et_pb_column][et_pb_column type=”1_2″ _builder_version=”3.25″ custom_padding=”|||” custom_padding__hover=”|||”][et_pb_image src=”https:\/\/writersatlarge.com\/riff\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/11\/Photo-by-cottonbro-from-Pexelsjpg-scaled.jpg” title_text=”Photo by cottonbro from Pexelsjpg” _builder_version=”4.7.7″ _module_preset=”default” custom_margin=”-10%|||-15px|false|false” custom_padding=”0px||||false|false”][\/et_pb_image][\/et_pb_column][\/et_pb_row][et_pb_row _builder_version=”4.7.4″ _module_preset=”default”][et_pb_column type=”4_4″ _builder_version=”4.7.4″ _module_preset=”default”][et_pb_text _builder_version=”4.7.7″ _module_preset=”default” text_font=”Times New Roman|700|||||||” text_font_size=”20px” custom_margin=”||5%|10%|false|false” custom_padding=”|||5%|false|false” border_width_left=”4px” border_color_left=”#0c71c3″]African-American writer and activist James Baldwin once said:<\/strong> \u201cNot everything that is faced can be changed, but nothing can be changed until it is faced.\u201d [\/et_pb_text][et_pb_text _builder_version=”4.7.7″ _module_preset=”default”]Please read White Fragility<\/em> or one of several books like it, then strike up a conversation with someone who is not the same color as you. Do your part to help heal the racial divide in this country<\/span>.[\/et_pb_text][\/et_pb_column][\/et_pb_row][\/et_pb_section]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Who remembers the first time they understood some people were a different race than you?\u00a0\u00a0I was in 4th grade. I liked a boy named Danny, and he liked me. He was my boyfriend until our parents found out and threw a hissy fit because he is white, and I am black. The current racial reckoning […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":34,"featured_media":52238,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_et_pb_use_builder":"on","_et_pb_old_content":"A humpback whale is caught by crab nets, entangled in the mess of nylon lines that cut into her tail, mouth, even her blubber. Coast guards and volunteers come to her rescue, diving into the ocean to sever the nets, one by one, line by line, taking the risk of getting caught by the nets themselves, in the lapping waves, or if the whale slaps her tail in distress. But the whale stays in stillness, until she\u2019s free. Instead of leaving right away, she circles around each diver, touching, nudging, and \u201ckissing\u201d them one by one, as if to say:\r\n\r\nThank you.<\/strong>\r\n\r\n\"\"\r\n\r\nTears well up in my eyes as I listen to the story, real stories off the coast of California,\u00a0Hawaii, and other places...\r\n\r\nA whale is a cetacean, a sea mammal. It has a much larger brain than a human\u2019s, in fact, the sperm whale champions in the realm of brain, its intelligence shown through the epic battle between Ishmael Ahab and Moby Dick, between Man and Whale. For a long time, scientists argued that it\u2019s not the size, but the spindle neurons involved in social conduct, emotions, judgment, and theory of mind, the special intelligence that mark humans as God\u2019s chosen species, conqueror of the earth. Despite countless stories, eyewitnesses, field notes, videos, and studies, they firmly believed, until 2019, that only humans own such intelligence, therefore, are capable of higher intelligence, cognition, or emotions for pain, joy, love and gratitude, for self-awareness and community.\r\n\r\nHow much do whales, porpoises, and dolphins have to give to prove their emotional intelligence? How many humans do they have to lift from a stormy sea, how many kisses for their human rescuers? How much more love and forgiveness must they give to counter greed and violence in this world?\r\n\r\n\u00a0\r\n\r\nTo know gratitude, one needs to know kindness. To know kindness, one needs to know love. To know love, one needs to know self, who we are, why we are here, how we relate with others outside the self, with communities, other species, rivers and mountains. [perfectpullquote align=\"right\" bordertop=\"false\" cite=\"\" link=\"\" color=\"#3369B1\" class=\"\" size=\"\"]\"To know love, one needs to know self\" [\/perfectpullquote]\r\n\r\nIt\u2019s all bundled together, around the spindle, an axis that spins and weaves all the energy and matter and spirits together, and they are called spindle neurons, padded with fat, the oil that protects and moves the neurons smoothly, sending love and gratitude, the special kind of intelligence, through our brain, body, the world.\r\n\r\nBecause love can\u2019t be born on its own, cannot exist or grow without the spindle of communities, it can\u2019t move without the protection of gratitude. Self can\u2019t exist without the other, individual can\u2019t live without the communities, forgiveness can\u2019t happen without gratitude, and life can\u2019t go on without the ocean of love. The whale knows how to grieve, play, love, learn, and teach.\r\n\r\n\u00a0\r\n\r\n\"\"\r\n\r\n\u00a0\r\n\r\nDo we know, as humans, how to play, grieve, learn, and teach our spindle neurons, just as generously padded with love, covered with gratitude, as the whales?\r\n\r\nThe divers cry as the freed whale circles around and around, saying goodbye and thank you, one by one, her body bleeding from the nylon lines, her heart flowing with gratitude.\r\n\r\nI cry as I listen to the story, my tears joining the ocean of gratitude, my spindle neurons strengthened by cetacean love.\r\n\r\n\u00a0\r\n\r\n\u00a0\r\n\r\n\u00a0\r\n\r\nTuesday, November 3rd, Americans voted.\r\n\r\nThey knew they were taking risks in the worst pandemic of virus and race. The lines were long, the threat of violence and virus was pulsingly visible.\r\n\r\nBut they went anyway, to exercise their special kind of intelligence, because they knew who they were, knew who had sacrificed their lives so that they could stand in long lines to vote, and they must honor it with gratitude, as an individual, as a community.\r\n\r\nCetaceans came from the ocean, then moved to the land, then moved back to the ocean, each transition transformed them, each transformation was traumatic, but they embraced it and triumphed, and became the flowers of the sea, with their special kind of intelligence.\r\n\r\nI know we can transform and triumph through this pandemic, together, as a community, a country, with our special intelligence for love and gratitude for the self, the community, and life on earth.","_et_gb_content_width":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[7,8],"tags":[225,190,191,189],"class_list":["post-52177","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-expanding-beyond","category-for-the-sake-of-argument","tag-black-history-month","tag-conversation-fragility","tag-ego","tag-racial-social"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/writersatlarge.com\/riff\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/52177","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/writersatlarge.com\/riff\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/writersatlarge.com\/riff\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/writersatlarge.com\/riff\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/34"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/writersatlarge.com\/riff\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=52177"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/writersatlarge.com\/riff\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/52177\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/writersatlarge.com\/riff\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/52238"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/writersatlarge.com\/riff\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=52177"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/writersatlarge.com\/riff\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=52177"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/writersatlarge.com\/riff\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=52177"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}